Abundantly Blessed

 

I usually have a rough draft written out some days before Sunday so I don't have to sit on it too long before it gets typed and published on here but today I was not prepared because I had a feeling I would find my muse on this very day. One Sunday out of the month a few of the church ladies and I meet for what we call "tea time". A time to come together, read about the women God made us to be and put our raw emotions out on the table. Today we discussed our many blessings because we don't really concentrate on how blessed we truly are when we have other issues hanging over our heads do we? One of the few I mentioned was my self control and how even when being bashed because of the choices I have made to get to where I am today, I stood my ground and I pride myself on that. I had been laughed at when I decided I would be abstinent, when I did not want to drink anymore, when I didn't want to go clubbing anymore and of course when I decided I would date myself like I have mentioned in the past posts but with these ladies it never surprises me to find the comfort I need. My inspiration came a lot from one of these special ladies and I cannot express enough gratitude for what she has shown me. The amount of support and love from these women is exactly how all women should be with one another. They build you up instead of tearing you down. They spark a fire in one another because God uses them to be a light in the world. We are abundantly blessed to have each other and I only wish to one day return the favor to each one of them.

 

 I am abundantly blessed to have woken up this morning, to breathe the air I breathe, to have a car to drive to tea time, to sit and drink a cup of coffee in a warming home, to have friends that hug me tight enough, to have clothes on my back, to be able to read, laugh and cry, to be able to witness my beautiful sister in Christ find her perfect wedding gown, to cry tears of joy because she is in love and happy.

 I am abundantly blessed because I have all this and more and God loves me because I am his.

Leap Of Faith

 

Do you ever sit and wonder what is stopping you from taking chances? Could it be fear? Money? The haunting of your own comfort zone? I was reading over my bucket list the other night just for fun, as I realized I only have 7 things scratched off. Why? Of course I need to save up more money to get to accomplish more than half of them, I thought but what about the rest of them? Taking chances is having just the smallest bit of faith that it will be okay and most likely worth it. I read once on an instagram post that you should do something everyday to surprise yourself. I don't know about you but everyday seems like a challenge. Can I challenge you to try this out at least twice a week?

Talk to a stranger, try a different type of food, learn about a different culture, open up the bible, learn about God, visit a church, take a class, just do something different! Surprise yourself! Even though my 30 day love cleanse is over doesn't mean I am going back to the old me. The love continues in my heart and in my spirit. I do not plan on dating anyone because I still have things I want to accomplish on my own. Something I noticed during tango class on Wednesday was, I was partnered up with a guy that had mentioned it was his first time trying tango and he was just so used to dancing salsa so the steps were confusing to him and I immediately said, "I hate salsa!" and he asked me why and I told him it was because I cannot dance salsa. I started to think about what I had just said and wished I hadn't. The truth is I am intimidated by salsa and the fact that I just admitted to hating something because I didn't know how to do it was just ridiculous. I wish I knew how to dance salsa should've been the correct response. I suppose I just need to get better in that department. Salsa classes start tomorrow for me. Challenge accepted! I met some new people at tango which was pretty great. I can feel myself becoming more friendly. I am not hiding myself while I am out there dancing.

In this path I have taken several leaps of faith. I lost friends but gained a couple of steps closer to self love and my self love comes before any of them. God closes doors all the time and people like myself had a habit of opening those doors time and time again but I won't anymore. I am also having faith in God that I don't need people like that around. Even though my journey no longer needs them, I cannot deny that I didn't learn from them. I learned good and bad from them. I surprised myself the day I decided to let go and I am not sad about it because that chapter in my life is over and I pray that one day they will understand. On a more happy note I took two leaps today. A leap of faith and a leap out of a moving airplane. Now 8 things have been scratched off the list. What a thrill! I felt so alive! Don't get me wrong, while I was sitting there waiting for the moment to come that I had to jump out I sat quietly praying. It was a crazy feeling once I was in the air and touching clouds. A moment I will never forget.

 

Things are happening to me, good things. I notice myself more often now blasting the music out of my car while I am driving and singing at the top of my lungs not caring who sees me or what they think. It took me years before to wear a shade of red lipstick and now that is all I ever want to wear. I was scared to seem bold, to be noticed. We need to have faith in ourselves. Don't be scared to try things. It seems this year is when I am really living my life to the fullest and it is truly a beautiful feeling my friends.

Wonderfully Made, Flawed and All

 

I have a dear friend that has been on and off with a guy that quite frankly doesn't deserve her. The last time they broke up I decided I would go talk to her. I told her what I was about to tell her was not to talk down to her but to hopefully inspire her to realize that she should never settle for less. I asked her what I had been asked plenty of times in the past. "Would you be proud to have a son like him?" "Is he someone you would be proud to call a husband?" Her tears gave me her answer. So why are you settling for something you do not want in your future? Why do both men and women do this? I told her I have grown and realized with a lot of time and conversations with wise friends that I needed to learn to love myself first. She's used more dating sites than I have ever. I continued to ask her why she thought she was using all these different sites and she just shrugged. "Do you want to admit to me that you suffer from a low self esteem?" She nodded as more tears ran down her cheeks. I told her that was the exact same reason I was on dating sites as well. We go and have these pointless conversations with guys that could care less what our favorite color is let alone what we really seek in a relationship, what we deserve. I don't want to sound like I am bashing online dating because I have heard of love found there but the reality is, that's only 1 in how many? It is a simple ego booster to sit there and get acknowledged right? But why would you need that if you knew your worth? We all have flaws, we are not perfect. That was not Gods intention when he made us but he loves us anyways. We grow up being told how we should dress, how we should act, how much we should weigh to fit in from the society around us. Just like Pastor K said yesterday, change the way your story is being written. Start with yourself and go from there.

 

Am I starting to sound like a broken record about self love? Well good! Let my words sink in. I just want to help people with my stories as well as help myself in this journey. I finished the conversation with her by telling her to take advantage that she has single friends to go and make beautiful memories with. She didn't have to be alone. To learn something new and to put different experiences under her belt. Which by the way I took a tango class on Wednesday and I loved it! Something to scratch off the bucket list.

I am truly hoping at least some of what I said stuck with her that night. At the end of the day I know people sometimes need to just learn the hard way and I'll be there for her when she is ready.

 

 

I have scars on my body like the sky has its stars.

I have stretch marks like most but their beautiful like yours.

I have freckles I adore while others hate.

I have hair I cant curl but I love it anyway.

I don't have light eyes but I have great sight.

I have a hot temper at times but at least I can feel.

I can be obnoxiously loud but at least I can speak.

I am imperfectly perfect and He loves me for me.

 

Solitude Treasures

 

After a long day on Monday I decided I would release some steam at the gym and ending the night with some of my favorite shows and trying out some meditation before bed. I know nothing about meditating but I figured it couldn't be so hard with some music in the background. I searched YouTube and found several different options. I clicked on a 3 hour meditation sound video. It was super relaxing! I sat there trying to concentrate on my breathing and not at all on my thoughts. Gosh, that was difficult. I found myself praying instead. Before I knew it I had fallen fast asleep. I slept like a baby and I have been falling asleep like this ever since. Enjoying ones solitude is a beautiful thing. What I would do to be this way when I was in high school. But we live and we learn. My insecurities sure came out as the days got closer to Thursday. I had tickets for the 7th annual Artopia event to attend alone. I wanted to try being in such a big social event and not being able to hide behind a book. So the day arrives. I got home from work, got ready and was out the door. As I got closer, the music got louder. It was amazing! Friendly people, beautiful art, awesome food. This is exactly how I wanted to spend my birthday eve haha! Brave enough to go alone I figured I would try getting even more out of my comfort zone and speak to strangers. Even though I didn't talk to a lot of people, I managed to surprise myself. Long story short I met a nice girl also named Stephanie who was going to look into a future internship for me and I was able to say hi to someone I once had a crush on in high school. Crazy! I walked out of there feeling like I can conquer the world! Craziest part about this is that the internship I mentioned, I was actually looking into the night before. Weird huh? I really am surprised at myself. I am in love with this feeling. I am falling in love with myself.

 

I took Friday off since it was my birthday and I decided to wake up early and go watch the sunrise at the beach. I wanted something different, something I hadn't done before. I sat there alone looking up at the sky and couldn't help but get teary eyed as I thanked God for another year. This year I know will be better than the last because of where I am headed. My day continued to get better as I went to have brunch with one of my sisters and went on a safari adventure to go see and pet different wild animals. Later that night I had dinner with my oldest best friends and we had an amazing time. The entire weekend was a success. Saturday was also incredible as I spent the afternoon at church and was also given a shout out by the pastor. He mentioned my blog as he discussed the dating world and how we should wait. Quit rushing to find the one. Work on yourself first. Trust me, it is only for your benefit. I was one who never wanted to be alone like I have mentioned in my earlier posts but now I am doing things alone and enjoying my own company. I am not waiting around for some guy to take me to see art or to go see the beautiful sunrise. I am doing me and learning to appreciate my alone time more than ever. Go out there and do things for yourself. Don't allow time to pass you by. Enjoy the now.