Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Our Jaded Hearts...

 
As per the Huffington Post 50% of Americans are single. If we were to compare the 1920s to our present time, the difference is ridiculous. 92.3 out of 1000 were getting married then and only 31 out of 1000 are settling down in todays generation. The point here is that I think we fear commitment and we just don't know what is good anymore. All this pushed me to ask questions and well, I just wanted to learn more. I was curious to know why such great guys are still single. I had the privilege of speaking to 2 different single men in their 30s to see about their views and expectations. Below you'll see their answers to my questions:
 
Bachelor 1:
- Age and how long have you been single? 30 years old and has been single for close to 4 years now. 
- Have you been single by choice? Yes, because he felt he wasn't ready and was concentrating on his career.
- Have you been dating at all? No
- Are you ready to settle down? If the right girl were to come, yes.
- Checklist? No. Just wants the normal traits a nice girl would have.
- Looks or Chemistry? Chemistry because looks fade.
- Deal breakers: Smoker, ghetto girls, cursing & doesn't care about their health
- Do you feel pressured to get married and have kids? A little.
- What have you learned from your past relationships? Don't rush into anything and get to know the person better.
- 5 qualities you seek in a woman:
  1. Trustworthy
  2. Loyal
  3. Forgiving
  4. Intelligent
  5. Loving
- He believes in God*
 
Bachelor 2:
- Age and how long have you been single? 36 years old and has been single for 6 years now.
- Have you been single by choice? Yes, because he is focusing on his career and the right girl hasn't come along.
- Have you been dating at all? Has dated in between but nothing serious.
- Are you ready to settle down? Yes.
- Checklist? Yes but is willing to compromise.
- Looks or Chemistry? Looks
- Deal breakers: Body odor, bad breath, stubbornness (not willing to apologize) and laziness.
- Do you feel pressured to get married and have kids? Yes, very much.
- What have you learned from your past relationships? Women are nuts and its not fun when you tell a girl you don't want anything serious but she wont listen.
He just asked me to change what he first said cause he was joking but I will only add not remove lol add that you must keep trying to better yourself and the relationship. You must motivate each other to strive for something great and that no matter how much someone falls in love with you they can easily fall out of love with you.
- 5 qualities you seek in a woman:
  1. Career driven
  2. Honest
  3. Nice
  4. Trustworthy
  5. Attractive
- Does not believe in God*
 
Even though they both have similarities, I see a lot of differences in these men. One is pickier than the other, one has more flings than the other but if they both state they are ready for a relationship why cant they find anything? Where exactly are they searching for her? People jump in and get physical before getting to know the person they are sharing a bed with. Then in some cases continue to share a bed with this person without wanting a commitment. If you want something serious then why get into the fling? It's like asking for food and neglecting it when they give it to you. *On another note as you see above, one believes in God and the other doesn't. At least in my eyes this is an important factor and it makes a difference in the person. Why not make it a goal to court a woman? There are worthy women out there. Stop looking for the woman in the club that wants that every weekend versus the woman that would rather share the couch and a good movie with you. Where has the romance gone? Women still want chivalry. Both these men are independent, intelligent and good looking. Are the women the issue or are these men just not realizing a good woman when they see one? There is more that meets the eye... we should just learn to focus better.
 


Sunday, February 22, 2015

The Game



I had dinner with a friend on Friday and with all the many things we talked about, the one I told him I'd write about this weekend was how "The Game" in our dating world has taken over this generation. There are plenty of articles on this same topic but I don't care, I wanted to point out how this is truly affecting people. He is 30 years old now and has yet to settle down. I asked him why he thinks he hasn't done so yet. Good looking, independent, smart man and yet he doesn't seem to find his right girl. He goes on to tell me that he just has this checklist that makes it impossible to find her and how when he was younger this "game" of acting like you just didn't care made girls want him and vise versa for the ladies. The more we pretend to not care, the more they want you. Why? Because people want what they cannot have. Sometimes I wonder if this is one of the reasons it didn't work out with the last guy I was talking to. He would pursue me for months and once I started to pay attention, he changed. The chase was over I suppose. There is more to a person than this. I had so many questions because I sincerely wanted to get to know him better and he was just distant. I am not agreeing with playing the game. I am letting you all know it is exhausting! Why are people doing this to each other? How do you expect to find love? Men talk about how "nice guys finish last" but sometimes I think that goes for good girls too. My views on what I look for in a man have definitely changed and I do not have time for these kinds of games, no one looking for something real is interested in this. Go buy yourself a board game in that case. Everyone including myself has a checklist but wouldn't it be fascinating to sit back and get to know all types of different people and see how that goes instead? They say the best relationships start as friendships. That's what I want to concentrate on; friendships. Healthy friendships. Everyone you come across in life will teach you something different even if they are only there temporarily in your life, lets learn about one another! I am trying to grow as a person, I am trying to become a Godly woman and I have taken a few steps to try to get closer to where God wants me to be. At the end of the day this game people are playing isn't going to help anyone. Become the person you want to attract. Be the one, the one you are looking for is looking for. You have to be the one. Thank you Pastor K.