Our Jaded Hearts...

 

As per the Huffington Post 50% of Americans are single. If we were to compare the 1920s to our present time, the difference is ridiculous. 92.3 out of 1000 were getting married then and only 31 out of 1000 are settling down in todays generation. The point here is that I think we fear commitment and we just don't know what is good anymore. All this pushed me to ask questions and well, I just wanted to learn more. I was curious to know why such great guys are still single. I had the privilege of speaking to 2 different single men in their 30s to see about their views and expectations. Below you'll see their answers to my questions:

 

Bachelor 1:

- Age and how long have you been single? 30 years old and has been single for close to 4 years now. 

- Have you been single by choice? Yes, because he felt he wasn't ready and was concentrating on his career.

- Have you been dating at all? No

- Are you ready to settle down? If the right girl were to come, yes.

- Checklist? No. Just wants the normal traits a nice girl would have.

- Looks or Chemistry? Chemistry because looks fade.

- Deal breakers: Smoker, ghetto girls, cursing & doesn't care about their health

- Do you feel pressured to get married and have kids? A little.

- What have you learned from your past relationships? Don't rush into anything and get to know the person better.

- 5 qualities you seek in a woman:

1. Trustworthy
2. Loyal
3. Forgiving
4. Intelligent
5. Loving

- He believes in God*

 

Bachelor 2:

- Age and how long have you been single? 36 years old and has been single for 6 years now.

- Have you been single by choice? Yes, because he is focusing on his career and the right girl hasn't come along.

- Have you been dating at all? Has dated in between but nothing serious.

- Are you ready to settle down? Yes.

- Checklist? Yes but is willing to compromise.

- Looks or Chemistry? Looks

- Deal breakers: Body odor, bad breath, stubbornness (not willing to apologize) and laziness.

- Do you feel pressured to get married and have kids? Yes, very much.

- What have you learned from your past relationships? Women are nuts and its not fun when you tell a girl you don't want anything serious but she wont listen.

He just asked me to change what he first said cause he was joking but I will only add not remove lol add that you must keep trying to better yourself and the relationship. You must motivate each other to strive for something great and that no matter how much someone falls in love with you they can easily fall out of love with you.

- 5 qualities you seek in a woman:

1. Career driven
2. Honest
3. Nice
4. Trustworthy
5. Attractive

- Does not believe in God*

 

Even though they both have similarities, I see a lot of differences in these men. One is pickier than the other, one has more flings than the other but if they both state they are ready for a relationship why cant they find anything? Where exactly are they searching for her? People jump in and get physical before getting to know the person they are sharing a bed with. Then in some cases continue to share a bed with this person without wanting a commitment. If you want something serious then why get into the fling? It's like asking for food and neglecting it when they give it to you. *On another note as you see above, one believes in God and the other doesn't. At least in my eyes this is an important factor and it makes a difference in the person. Why not make it a goal to court a woman? There are worthy women out there. Stop looking for the woman in the club that wants that every weekend versus the woman that would rather share the couch and a good movie with you. Where has the romance gone? Women still want chivalry. Both these men are independent, intelligent and good looking. Are the women the issue or are these men just not realizing a good woman when they see one? There is more that meets the eye... we should just learn to focus better.

 

We've Come A Long Way...

 

I know it's been a couple of weeks since I have posted anything new but I have been inspired to write today. I was asked a couple of weeks ago by a dear friend, as to where I saw this blog going and what exactly was my intention. My intention at first was to continue talking about my childless/loveless life and see where that went to eventually make something bigger I had in mind, with the opinions of others but things change. I started to really think about this because if I go back to my first post and read on to the very last, you'll see for yourself how much things have changed. My mind, my writing, my love for God. It's all changed and for the better. I can't determine where my life will be in 5 years or whether or not I will find the man of my dreams and want to have his children, so I won't pretend that the girl who wrote the first post is still here. My only intention is to express myself and if I were to inspire someone along the way then I can only hope that it was fate. I have said time and time again how I am a strong believer in "Everything happens for a reason" and I will always stick to that. A lot has happened. Good and bad of course but mostly good.

From leaving on a small vacation trip to Mexico I started feeling completely different from when I went on a cruise the first time and it dawned on me just how much my mind set had changed. I needed to come to the realization that I am not in control and I needed to accept what was happening, to maybe learn from it. Even though there was times I wanted to go back home, there was still little moments I cherished and I did get to scratch something off the bucket list. 

A few days later I had to say good bye to my sister and the kids as they went to Honduras for my brother in law's residency. After 10 long years I can tell you today that he is now a legal resident of the USA. With a lot of patience and struggle they have made it, so now I have to wait patiently till they get back on the 29th because Lord knows how much I have missed them.

 

Let's talk about sex now and how much my life has changed in that particular department. I am aware this is going to be read by people that have no clue about my personal life like this but this is my blog after all so if you don't like it you can press the X on the top right of the screen. I pride myself on this because I know how strong my self control is. So here goes nothing... next month it will be a year that I have been abstinent and I am damn proud of this. Not a lot of 27 year olds that have already had sex can say that. I have been laughed at plenty and it has yet to shake me, I have been taken as a challenge for some guys that didn't think I was serious about it and I stood my ground. One guy even got slapped. I am aware that being a "Miami girl", guys think that we are all easy when it comes to laying us down but I am here to tell you that not all of us are the same. I am not trying to criticize those who "go with the flow" because who am I? I just know myself well enough to not do that anymore. Some of these guys just don't understand what respect means now a days and it's just sad. Get to know us, make us laugh, fall in love with our soul. Is that too much to ask for? I can only continue to pray that one day I will find the right man for me and hope for the best from there on.

Change is inevitable and if I have God by my side then I will be okay.

Well those are all the updates I have for you this evening!

 

Self Love

A New Start To A New Month

 

 

 

 

 

A few days ago I finished Mandy Hale's second book "I've never been to Vegas but my luggage has". Reading her stories made such an impact on how I think of a few things, starting with myself. This book was just as great as her first so if you are a woman looking for some sassiness and guidance please go check out her books! From reading her inspirational stories I decided I'd do something she did in her 20s. She called it a "love cleanse", in other words dating myself for 30 days or more, learning about self love, appreciating me, taking the time to free myself from my past and getting closer to God. I found it amazing how this decision became a reality even after oddly being bashed about it. When people try to convince you not to follow what your heart is telling you to do, it only pushes a person more and maybe one day I'll thank her for taking this as a joke. As it is I have reserved my Thursday evenings to take myself to the movies, it's been a couple of months now that I've been doing this and she even tried to convince me to change that to another day to go to a bar every Thursday instead... ummm how about no? When I told her how I felt she said she was sorry that I took everything the wrong way. I explained time and time that I had nothing to lose in this choice but probably much to gain in hopes I find a different side to myself. I've been dating, wasting time on pointless men and always find myself back on square 1. Maybe I was just seeking their attention, maybe I am was doing something wrong, maybe I cared too soon or maybe I was just lacking my self love. I was recently talking to someone and even before I pulled the plug, this decision on my love cleanse was already a set goal. Long story short as to why I let him go was because he didn't respect me or my feelings. Funny thing is that Sunday night when I had the courage to tell him how I felt, all he could say was "I am sorry you feel this way Steph". Don't feel sorry for me, I don't want that. I want your understanding, I want you to put yourself in my shoes.

In this 30 day love cleanse I will be taking myself out on dates, not just to the movie theater every week. Maybe try a few things I've never done before, jump out of my comfort zone for a change, wet my feet in unknown territory, concentrate on what really matters. Today I will start with a spa day. I have never tried this and I am so very excited about it. I hope this is a start to a beautiful journey and I will keep you all posted. Happy 1st of the month !

 

 

The Black Sheep

 

 

So I decided I'd touch base again today about the subject of marriage and children because I found out on Friday that my youngest sister is expecting. We don't know how far along she is just yet but there we have it, I will be an aunt for the third time. The middle sister has been married since she was 18 years old and already has two beautiful kids of her own and the youngest sister just got married in September, she is now 21 years old and pregnant. As I told my friends about the news I wondered if people would start to think something was wrong with me. Many things went through my mind but that was one of my concerns and I am aware I shouldn't care what people think but we all know we care a little. I saw the struggles my mother and aunts went through to raise a family, I see how exhausting my sisters life is going to school full time, being a wife and a mother and now the youngest living in an efficiency with her husband and struggling to make ends meet. It worries the shit out of me to say the least. There is many reasons why I said I didn't want kids of my own and two main reasons why is money and time. I want to travel the world and be in a better economical state to even consider it. The thought of bringing a child into a unstable world terrifies me. I am not here to bash anyone but these are obvious concerns. Travel, go back to school, buy a house, find someone worth it all, this is what I want first. I turn 27 next month and I can't help but think where my life is going. Where do I even start to reach these goals? Do I really want to work in insurance forever? What should I go major in if I do go back to school? Ugh. So many questions! We all eventually find our paths. Patience is everything.

 

 

 

My First Dip Into Online Dating...

The Not So Great Singer & The Liar

 

 

Living in Miami and dating is a job on its own. I am sure with all the

stories my friends and I have, we can have our own radio show. No lie.

From smelling my hair to singing NSYNC and Britney Spears to me was one

of the very first dates I had from a guy on POF (PlentyOfFish.com). "Don't go yet! Let

me finish the song!" He said. I stood there wondering where the cameras were

assuming this must have been a joke. Nope. He was serious. Ha!

How much weirder could the night have gotten? Obviously I did not continue

talking to that one. NEXT !

An experience that left a minor scar was one to involve one of my

good friends. From the very beginning of getting to know these guys online

we obviously ask a lot of questions. One of the many questions after getting to know

them a little better and finally meeting is "How many people are you currently

talking to?" I only ask this question when I am interested of course.

Honesty is key people! He told me I was the only one he was talking to while I was

truthful and told him I was talking to 2 other guys at the time. After dating for about a month

or so I put up a picture on Facebook and my friend called me right away. "Steph!

are you with this guy right now?!" she asked. I said "Yes, what's going on?". She went

on to tell me she was dating the same guy. "Leave and call me back ASAP!" she told me.

The truth always comes out sooner or later. Obviously the fact that we were friends was the

honest mistake but the fact that he lied to us both was the issue at hand. When I mentioned

her name to him his face turned white and he didn't say a word. I walked out and he

didn't go after me. The calls began after my friend left him a voice message to forget about

us both. Thankfully I had a flight to catch the next day so I would have a nice distraction visiting

my cousin in Boston. When I got back he asked to see me and of course my nice

side allowed him to explain himself. He asked for my forgiveness and asked me for another

chance. The jerk tells me that I am the safest choice between me and my friend. I looked at him and laughed. Now is when he decides to be blunt?! I don't want to be anyone's safe choice! Seriously?! No one wants to be that person. I'll finish this post stating that I have always been a strong believer in "Everything happens for a reason" and there is always these little moments that I realize someone is definitely looking out for me because it could've been much more serious. 

 

 

 

 

Question:

 

-How honest are you when it comes to dating/getting to know someone?

 

I will continue to share dating stories next week!

 





The Start Of My View On Men

 

 

 

Your insecurities start as children. Your past. This is where it all begins.

As we get older those insecurities really don't go away. They either get bigger or you learn to hide them better.

My mother was 17 years old when she met my father. He was 22 years old. My father didn't exactly believe in monogamy to say the least & from what my two sisters & I experienced as children was not always a fairytale. I was around 11 years old when my parents finally split up & though people assumed I was unhappy at the thought of a broken home; I wasn't. He was a very angry man. I can't tell you that I have many happy memories with him as a child because I cannot even remember. What I can clearly recall is him watching a lot of football or soccer with a cold beer in one hand even when my mother would want us all to go out together, he wouldn't budge. I remember a lot of verbal and physical abuse mostly towards my mother but unfortunately we crossed his path sometimes. He used to cheat on my mother left & right. No shame. My mother to this day still tells me that she's certain me & my sisters blocked things out of our memories as children. Hopefully she's right.

I remember one afternoon that my mom was at work & for a stupid, childish reason my father spanked me so hard it literally left a print of his hand on me. I was around 9 years old when this happened. I sat by the window just crying & praying to God that my mother got home to save me. I prayed to a God I didn't know existed. My mother arrived shortly & defended me like a bear would her cub.

 

After their divorce he remarried one of the many women he cheated on my mother with & formed a new life. Not long after they moved to Georgia where my step mother assumed his cheating days would be over. Little did she know that he liked American women just as much as Latinas.

This is the kind of man that used to take us to his "girlfriends" houses to visit her but will tell us it was for us to go play with her kids.

There is so much more to this story & to be completely honest I am not exactly comfortable right now to share it all. Maybe one day I will. This is just a piece of my childhood for you to better understand where I am now & how I have reached these decisions. Daddy issues? Possibly.

 

Questions:

 

-Have you or anyone you know experienced similar situations?

 

-How has this affected your love life?